I lived in a small town the year I started 8th grade. So small we had one stop light. Right between the primary school and downtown grocery store. That’s right, our sleep bedroom community had a downtown, we were cool like that. Eventually they’d install a second stop light near the freeway ramps, safety first and all… but the town folks were one stop light people at heart. And how we respected that stoplight. Red meant stop, yellow meant stop, green meant drive annoyingly slow.
On the side of that old downtown grocery, which didn’t actually sell anything more than Coors Light, and Snickers, was always a big billboard type advertisement. Most of the time, despite the protests of the community, it was a sexy girl with some sort of beer. Around the time Britney Spears became popular one of the big beer lords found a look a like and put her in short shorts, laying on her side, her mouth open, a beer in hand… and wouldn’t you know, that billboard ended up on the side of our quaint little red bricked building.
Before I go on, I want to remind you of just who I am. My father was a respected Southern Baptist Minister in this tiny dairy town. He pastored a small church, worked as a chaplain with the local fire and sheriff departments, and was heavily involved in the Lions Club, a civil organization. It was safe to say he was a well know, much loved man. He followed the letter of the law, and as snarky and mean as he could get within our own walls, in town we were good, kind people. A example family.
It was a typical Saturday morning, we were out in our little beat up red Geo, Becky and I in back… me behind Mom, Becky behind Dad, because I couldn’t sit still and would kick his seat while he was driving. Plus she was short and I wasn’t, not by 14… Mom was short, so I got more leg room behind her. We’re driving around town, thinking about going out into the country… it’s a misty day, nothing is going on… we near that store, and luckily it’s on my side of the car! I can’t wait to see what’s up on the wall this week. My sister sees it before me though, remember she’s short, I had to sort of slink down to see out the window… and she’s pointing and asks… “Rachel, what’s that going into her mouth?”
I’m all twisted now, so I can see up the street… quick to answer, not thinking about the fact I’m in the car with my 11 year old sister, and fuddy duddy parents. “It’s a cock! There’s a cock in her…OUCH!” Before I could finish my second sentence my Dad’s hand was off the wheel and firmly on my cheek. I was crying, my Mom was staring back around the seat at me flabbergasted, and my Dad is running a red light while shouting. “WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD?”
He stops in the middle intersection when he realizes he’s running a red light, backs up… and has to sit there, waiting by that advertisement for the light to turn green. I was grounded from books for two weeks, and the computer for one, and had extra chores for the day. A few days later a friend who had been downtown at the same time asked my Dad what had happened, to make him break the law like that? And my dad, the honest, upstanding citizen that he was told them… “My oldest called her sister a brat. I had to punish her.” Because god forbid, someone find out I knew the word cock.
