Since I’ve been home from Kentucky I have spent a very large amount of my time tucked away in my bedroom. The tension in the house is so bad at times I don’t even bother to open my door and exit the sanctuary of my bedroom unless I absolutely have to. I have been shut in today from the time I woke up. I did venture out for certain things, I draw the line at mini-fridges and commodes… and the retrieve my mouse and headset so I could enjoy some Everquest2. Oh, and food of course, but I did have some of that tucked away in here.

This is how it’s going to be for the next few months I’m afraid. When it comes down to it, I love my family, I even like them most of the time, but none of would pick each other for friends. I’ve decided to stop forcing myself to be friends with Mom and Becky. I don’t have to be. I didn’t realize that until recently. I’m much more relaxed now that I’m not trying to enjoy spending time with them beyond what is considered familial and appropriate.

Why not just move out? I’ve thought about, even planned on it, and I still do… but not as soon as I hoped. It struck me that it would be a lot wiser to stay here, and take advantage of the fact my mom is willing to pay all the bills (her new promotion includes a slight pay raise that makes this possible), and let me save as much money as I can. In order to get into nursing classes in Oregon (so I’ve been told, I am still researching this), you have to be a certified nursing assistant.

I didn’t complete my test within the time limit and have to take the class over again. A local nursing home will be offering the class and part time paying positions in June. That’s my plan right now, that and going to the local call center and getting full time work there for the benefits, which the nursing home doesn’t offer at all to aids. I’m finishing my applications and Friday I’ll be turning them in and arranging interviews. I don’t see either place turning me down, and fully believe I’ll be able to arrange my schedules at both places so I’ll still have free time.

It’s nice to be able to retreat to my bedroom and not have to worry about dinner, or cleaning, or whether or not there are water bottles for everyone in the fridge. All I do is take Mia out, feed myself, and clean up after me, myself, and I. Well, that’s a bit of a lie… I still do dishes and cook every couple of nights and since I can’t stand the living room floor dirty and recently replaced the old vacuum with a spiffy new red one, I do run that over the floor now and then. I resent the cleaning bug in me, it’s been almost a year since I started feeling the need to tidy everything… surely it’s time for it to wear off?

Anyway, this isn’t so much a post… more like a ramble. I’ll try my hand at something more creative and informative later. Like sometime next week if it goes the way it always does.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had the mental clarity to string words together in a coherent sentence. My apologies for the prolonged, and basically unannounced absence. I have missed you bloggers! Where have I been? Well, I didn’t stop writing, I simply took my words to a private arena, one where very few had access to my thoughts. It was nice, to write without fear, but a few messages from you all have made me realize how much I like blogging at All She Is.

So I’m back. I can’t promise any sort of daily post, although you know me, when I feel down, I post more. When life gets good, I seem to forget. Does that mean I am down? Maybe. I think I’m level right now. May 31st approaches though, and many other large things about to happen in my life and this feeling that I am going to need this public blog just won’t go away!

I would like to apologize for not only neglecting my blog, but your’s as well. I didn’t just stop blogging, I stopped reading them to. There is a lot to catch up on it seems, I will certainly do my best.

Briefly, let me fill you in on my life since you last saw me write here:
I babysat a wonderful little boy I will call Dustin for sake of his mother’s privacy. Dustin was just about 9 months when I started watching him, and by the time he and his mom moved back to their home state, he was 19 months. Those 10 months were some of the most special 10 I have had the pleasure of living yet. While I was watching Dustin, Cece moved back home, my family and I moved upstairs. That was an experience I will have to tell you about another time.

I went to Kentucky to see my friends and their kids, and had an awesome month of April out there. My mom has accepted a marriage proposal, and I am moving out. I’m not sure if I’m moving to Kentucky, or staying in town, but one thing is sure, I am leaving. Christmas sucked, we had to share it with her boyfriend.

Corona rocks. Bud Light is gross. Whiskey makes my legs hurt, and I still love vodka. My mom is supposedly an alcoholic, 5 months clean now… she just got an awesome promotion at work but somehow I keep waiting for her to sabotage it with another faked health issue soon. Becky is working at Safeway as a checker, and I my friends… am going to get a job at a local call center and take my nursing assistant class again so I can go to school to be a nurse… maybe a doctor someday.

Oh, I’ve started playing Everquest2. WoW just couldn’t keep me entertained. So far, I love it : )

I’ll be back with real posts, not just updates tomorrow.

Love you all.

Ps) I’ll be tweaking this beautiful theme in the morning when I recover from a certain hangover.

You know when you have those times when nothing you say makes sense, and you simply can’t seem to make your words clear. I’ve finally decided to screw inspiration and just write!

We had to give Dip away, she peed on Becky’s bed so many times, and it was just to much. She went to a sweet family with lots of room for her to run, and in the process of giving her away we made quite a few new friends.

Becky’s friend Cece has moved in with us for a while, and I’ve given up my half of the room and my bed and am currently sharing both with my mom.

I’m also babysitting on top of my freelance jobs and teaching gig (which I’m seriously dragging ass at!), and life has just been busy.

I wanted to let you guys know I’m alive, and when I can muster up enthusiasm, I am reading your blogs! I’ll get around and comment asap, promise.

I’m at a loss, I’m not feeling All She Is right now. Mostly because it chronicles a time when it really was ALL about me, and I wanted to focus on myself for once. Now that’s not me, but I still like the domain name… but there’s so much angst and pain in my archives regarding my dad, and sometimes I feel like those words are holding me back…

But I know there’s no way I can give up that history, I know in a year, maybe five, I’ll look back and be happy about all the history to be found here, and I’ll be happy I held onto it. So until the mood to get rid of it is gone, I’m going to be absent.

Oh yeah, I got World of Warcraft back, and I’ve played maybe twice… blah.

Just for you, Mrs. S. I dinged 47 last night. I dinged 45 early morning on the 31st. It’s taken me over 3 weeks to go two levels. Ugh.

I am currently the guild leader. The person who is normally viewed as the top of the top is away for 2 months, leaving me in charge. Luckily I have two great co-leaders helping me out while she’s gone.

I’m going to grind to 55 so I can start working with my guild’s PvE team.

I wasn’t in total awe over the shaman patch, but I’ve specced all but 7 points in resto now and it isn’t to bad. It may just be me, but I think windfury procs more now then it did before, and although they nerfed it, I still find myself going ‘woot, extra attacks!” every time the tornado animations envelopes my mace!

And in unrelated matters… I’ve been trying my hand at vp’s a bit, there’s two below (and one av), the one that says sample is free to the first person who wants and will use it!

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Straight hair is such a rare event around my head, it most definitely deserves a blog entry. The last time my hair was straight was in April, once at the hotel when I took an hour to blow dry it out and pray it ‘stayed’ straight, and a little before that when I got home from the colorist. I was hoping it would go straight today, and it did. I didn’t have to French braid it for my interview, but instead wore half tied in a sleek shiny pony tail that contained no visible curl or flyways. I celebrated my dressing my hair up with nice slacks over nylons, a white shirt, and heels. Off to the interview went my beautifully straight hair.

Up the stairs and to the officer, shaking the managers hand. I had a seat and we reviewed the requirements for the job, the pay, the benefits, you know, all that stuff he has to talk about. Then he told me I’d start as a sacker, no, sorry, a courtesy clerk. I was ok with this at first, I could obviously work my way into the other departments, until he let me know he wasn’t going to hire someone who had to be home by 6pm at least 3 nights a week.

Then why did you call me in? He apologized, and I smiled, and said I was happy to have straightened out the hour issue.

Honestly, I would have worked evenings if I’d been hired to work in the deli, and not stuff food in a bag. I would have stuffed food in a bag if I could have worked mornings.

I’m in a position to be picky and find something that I’m actually going to enjoy, so I will! I really enjoyed working in the deli in Kansas City, despite my constant complaining and still aching injury, and think I’d be happy in that line of work while I go to school. So I’ll put in a few more applications and bide my time while playing WoW and making avs.

That’s right, making avs! My creativity is back and pumping and I couldn’t be more ecstatic. I’m even pleased with the avatars I made last night, which is rare, even when I am 100%.

Take a peek below to see what I made. The one for Kissy is my favorite, the one for Lucky my least. (Be warned, one of the images contains nudity.)

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I have spent the majority of my day deleting anything and everything I could from the computer, and the patch finally took!

Lets just hope I have the space to put most of it back on when it’s done updating…